when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
