Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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