I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
