I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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