"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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