There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
