OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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