yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
