yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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