I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
