Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
