when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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