Don't you send me to vm
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
