im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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