I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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