It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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