I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
