Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize