So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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