We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
