No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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