She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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