Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
