He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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