Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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