Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need to calm my uterus...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
