his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
