he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
