I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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