Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
