So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
