she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
