her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
