i don't like sucking hair
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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