69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
