you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
