I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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