Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
