I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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