I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize