Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
