I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
