he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize