i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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