just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
