His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize