I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
