I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
