Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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