I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
