The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
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