At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
