i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
