My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He told me they were just razor bumps!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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