I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
