my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
