Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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