I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
