You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize