i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
