Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
