Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
