Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
