Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
