I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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