i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize